"It's time to do what the good Lord would refer to as a 'cleansing of the wicked'" ~ Sheriff John Quincy Wydell

In today's age of gay, emo vampires that don't hurt anyone, it was kinda refreshing to see a more traditional vampire flick out there. The story centers around Pitt(played by William Forsythe), an extreme southern preacher turned vampire who has decided to use his "gift" to create an army of the undead to do god's work, ridding the world of sinners. The concept showed some serious potential and Foresythe delivers a solid performance (as always), but I feel a lot more could have been done with both the story and the character. Things started off strong, but seemed to fizzle out towards the end. The movie could have seriously benefited from Pitt leading his army on an all out rampage of the small town of Redemption, but his attention was primarily focused on Starla, a local stripper, and her daughter Hope. Yul Vazquez does a decent job as the story's sullen hero, Fortune, who is attempting to make up for his past by protecting Hope from the vampire threat.

The film offered some decent gore effects, but I was pretty disapointed with the fact that the script didn't stick to more traditional vampire lore in terms of death. They did highlight the fact that sunlight will kill a vampire, but last time I checked vamps could not hang out in churches or be killed with guns. With that aside, the death scenes were pretty good considering the obviously low budget.

Overall, Mark Young(Tooth & Nail) could have done a lot more with the concept and talent he had to work with. I appreciate the attempt and things started out great, but really ended up falling flat. It is no suprise that this film was not released on DVD until last month, despite being made in 2007. The movie is certainly watchable, but don't get your hopes up too high as the beginning really did show lots of promise. A mediocre film at best, but a definite improvement from the current trend of shiny ipod vampires. 4/10

DVD currently available from Amazon

Have you ever woken up one morning to find the world as you know it has turned upside down? Suddenly, are all the lights in your house casting a deep blue sepia; Is your house now located next to a spooky cemetery, and more importantly, do the walls in the kitchen seem to be bleeding more than usual? Then you need "How to Survive a Horror Movie: All the Skills to Dodge the Kills." The book, while a survival guide to the world of horror movies, is also a humorous look at all of those cliché's horror movies tend to favor, such as "The 6 Character types in a Horror Movie," "What to do if there are Snakes on your Plane," and the all important "How to Convince the Skeptical Local Sheriff." Mr. Grahame-Smith takes great, and somewhat sarcastic, care to detail every possible situation and the correct response to take when faced with a creature of the undead.

When I first saw this book, I had to admit, I had my doubts. The rules of horror movies have been hammered into our heads again and again since long before "Scream" came out, so what could this book tell me that I don't already know? After reading the first chapter, I was pleasantly surprised. Instead of the same old rules that everyone knows, such as "The Cat is a Forbearer of your Doom," Smith takes his tips for dodging your unceremonious death at the hands at killers to a new level, such as the innovative "Switch Genres," and the 5 steps C.R.A.V.E.N. technique. He also encourages you, the young hero of this film, to use the resources around you to your advantage, such as your friendly neighborhood shop teacher. Another thing that impressed me was the great drawings done by Nathan Fox. I had expected the book to be bland as dish-water like most survival guides, but I often found myself turning to a page and busting out laughing. How often do you see a woman mace a masked killer without even looking up?

Whatever you do you should buy this book, because you never know just where and when you will walk into a horror movie.

For more from Seth Grahame-Smith, pick up "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" and "The Big Book of Porn" Today.

Cute, moving and somewhat hot, Masters of Horror Sick Girl is a treat to the viewer. Directed by Lucky McGee, the same sick mind behind May and The Woods, Sick Girl is actually a horror film with feeling. Everything about this film is fresh and original. From the situation to the protagonists, this film takes strange ideas and works them well. Were it not an episode of Masters of Horror, it would have stood well on it’s own. The characters are fresh and original, and oddly even though one of the actresses is a porn star in her day-to-day life (allegedly), she has actual acting talent and beauty to boot.

As I said before, everything about this plot is fresh yet very familiar. Ida is just a girl who wants to find a nice girlfriend, but first she needs to find someone who is ok with her “pets.” Ida is an entomologist by day and bug enthusiast by night. This situation alone is a bit strange, but endearing. The audience, while distracted with the horror elements of the film, is still none-the-less drawn into Ida and Misty’s relationship. Storytelling at it’s finest.

Make no mistake, while the film is cute, it still retains quite a bit of bite. The horror elements of the film are well done and both parts flow together to create an almost perfect film. This film is a 9/10.